As we enter into this new year, I wish you many blessings. I am grateful for you all.
Over the past New Years weekend, I spent time in a self-inquiry process known as dyad meditation. Where two come together and inquire to themselves and contemplate over five minute turns during a period of 40 minutes. One provides the other a prompt such as “tell me who you are” or “tell me what life is” and holds non-judgemental space will presence on the partner. This individual listens to other individual, not speaking during the entire five minute period. Just listening to the other partner, with full presence. The partner, referred to as “the other” during this process, then contemplates and communicates what arises from the process. The individual holding the space and actively listening then thanks the other with “thank you”. This process then repeats, with the partners switching roles.
Having never explored this space before, I didn’t know what it was and was skeptical. There was this inner knowing however of this is where I needed to go. Prior to entering the three-day online Zoom retreat where there would be ten 40-minute dyads each day for three days, I really did not know what to expect and even experienced feelings of worry of if it was the right thing for me. Coming out of this retreat, I am grateful for listening to this inner knowing – this inner guidance – for the healing and inner transformation the body went through. It was something I needed. As I am writing now, I continue to notice that the body is physically detoxing and cleansing old and stagnant energies, tensions, and blockages. It is funny and continues to be funny how most things in hindsight always make more sense.
Too often even over the past few years, I’ve been stuck in my mind – oftentimes thinking about the “best” or “optimal” way to do something. What if there was no “best” or “optimal” way? Through several direct experiences I had, I’ve come to realize that it’s okay just to be me and I don’t need to be stuck in the mind. The fears, worries, anxieties, shames, etc. that we feel often distort our understanding of who we truly are. It is through this retreat that I’ve come to an understanding that it’s okay to be me – whatever that me is. Just to be. Being here is me.
I noticed later during the three-day process that I was even comfortable looking at myself on the screen. Looking at myself on the screen just became comfortable. The process was intense at times but I’m grateful for it. Lots of realizations came forth from within, from being affected through others’ shares during their dyad turns, and also experiencing through experiencing several direct experiences with the most profound ones occurring during the evenings away from the Zoom meeting space.
For me, life is not what it is usually painted to be, who I am is not what I thought or others may have communicated thoughts or feelings of my expression or the self I forced myself to be, and who we are is not what it is usually painted to be. In the past, the inner turmoils I had confused my understanding and knowing of me. The inner turmoils were of my doing, but the true me? Much greater and grander. Over and over again, I was stunned at the powers of how working on oneself or even contemplating can shift oneself – its relation to others, its environment, and more. It is through inner work that I found can help bring forth more love in this world and the spaces that I am involved in.
The person who guided us along during the intensive often reminded us all as we came back from breaks during the day to take the present moment as it just is and that the last moment is not the present and that the present moment is a new moment. The present moment is now so be with the present.
One thing I’ve realized throughout this intensive is that this physical body can be quite an illusion. In the past, I’ve often had thoughts that the physical body was confined in its own ways. It may be confined. It may not be. I don’t really know. But what I’ve realized is that I can indeed be limitless. Life indeed can be play like how a child plays. It doesn’t have to be those structures, formalities, or confines that I had allowed myself to take as truth – to take as who I thought I was or had to be or had to behave. This resulted in bodily tension, trapped energies within the body, and repression of the liveliness that was within me. Perhaps this may resonate with you as well. Perhaps it may not. But it really doesn’t matter because on our journey, as our understandings naturally evolve wherever we are on this path.
My parting words for this post are to just be who you are – whatever that means to you. Be also gentle with yourself wherever you are on your journey. I’ve learned through my journey that everything does make sense over time and our life situations or even bigger questions may not make sense at the moment but it will eventually at some point.
Hugs of love to you all,