Hi Cosmic Fractal!
I do not believe our souls have names, but I am here manifested as Daniel. I came here to experience and see the beauty and possibility of all that I am. I came here to see the magic – the full magic – that I am. You my dear, have also come here to see the full beauty of that you are as well – and it is totally okay if you do not fully comprehend right now.
I truly believe that no matter the circumstances we are in, deep healing is always within reach. We are individually identical and unique. How the healing occurs and unravels for you is going to be completely different for me as our souls have different needs and lessons to learn.
Just like the universe and the Divine, our bodies are naturally intelligent and knows and is equipped with what it needs to do. In my past, I’ve oftentimes suppressed myself and allowed myself to be small. This suppression resulted in fractionating myself into many parts that I had shuffled away and decided not to bat an eye at it. Through Life, it’s taught me through hardships and challenges that suppressing myself ain’t worth it anymore. That I am to fully allow. That I am here to be me. That I am Love. That I am worthy of love. That I am here to experience it all.
We all just are, but we think that there is something wrong with us. Our bodies and minds are trapped in time, just repeating the same patterns and stories that we just haven’t given space to witness and hear the parts of us that cry for our help. These patterns were formed as intelligent responses that our consciousness had access to at the time, so all these parts just need our presence and love.
This space, my ever-evolving journey and my work has been influenced by nature, my mentors and teachers (you!), and things which have worked well for me. Some of these approaches include experimentation, imagination, neurogenic therapeutic tremoring, dance, inner child work, Qi Gong, touch, energy work, and dyad meditation.
For a more personal account, I have posted the story of remembering through Daniel below.
– Freeform/conscious/ecstatic dance and contact improv jams (2023-ongoing)
– Healing Shame in Men (Center for Healing Shame, 2023)
– Dance workshop: The Art of Becoming (Jo Hardy, Movement Medicine, 2023)
– Dance workshop: Shadow/Light/Dark (Joanne Winstanley, 5Rhythms, 2023)
– Energy healing (Pure Energy Healing, 2023)
– Dance workshop: Surrender (Adam Barley, ZeroOne, 2023)
– Shaking Medicine teacher training (Dr. Keith Motes, Shaking Medicine Foundation, 2022)
– Craniosacral therapy (Robert Harris, Cranial Therapy Centre, 2022)
– Classical Hatha yoga teacher training with studies in Ayurveda, pranayama, yoga philosophy, and Buddhism (Thailand, 2020)
– 10-day silent meditation retreat – Vipassana (USA, 2019)
– Improv Levels 1-3 (Second City Training Centre – Toronto, 2019)
Through my journey here on this place called “Earth”, I’ve traversed through peaks, valleys, and troughs like you have. I spiritually and emotionally bypassed as well, avoiding feeling deep feelings within. I had a few years in my life, where I pretended things were “Love and Light”. Spiritual bypassing 101. I previously was focused so much on the peaks and avoiding the valleys and troughs as much as I could. I didn’t see that in the valleys and troughs, there were gems as well. I thought all the gems were in the peaks, but boy was I wrong. There was a deep, instilled belief in me of “not good enough”.
I lived a life of needing to prove myself, pushing myself to do things that were completely unneeded – focused on overachieving and being a high-achiever, staying at work until 9pm, sometimes until midnight. I built my identity based on the external. It was all about salary, prestige, achievement, being the constant go-getter, people pleasing, and the perceived identity from the outside that would help numb out the insecurities felt within. Feeling empty inside, I thought dating someone would solve the issue – I was unconsciously putting a bandage on the emptiness I felt within. Little did I know during those years that the universe provides to us at the vibration and consciousness that we resonate in. Unbeknownst to me, I had a wounded inner child and wounded inner boy within that was looking for love – my love. This was all outside of what my consciousness had access to. I thought I needed to keep dating, but for some reason I still didn’t feel fulfilled. During these years of my career, I also felt this deep sense of sadness and emptiness within, but I could not pinpoint what it was.
In 2018, I ended up switching jobs and companies, thinking that therein was the problem. A few months into the role, my manager had moved to another team. In early 2019, I had clued in that my new manager wanted me out. It wasn’t presented to me that way, but I instinctually knew my time there was ending. I didn’t know what to do, whether to stay or move – I felt stuck. My regular bi-weekly check-ins with my manager then turned into weekly check-ins, eventually turning into twice weekly. Going into work became unbearable – I knew I was going to be fired, in spite of the non-committal messaging I was given by my manager that getting me out of the company was not the intention. To feel safe at that time, I kept a mask on at work pretending that everything was okay – even though everything was actually not. My manager also put on a mask during team meetings, pretending of “not knowing” of the firing that would be occurring. This mutual mask of secrecy was toxic and damaging for the soul which in turn came to be a beautiful lesson about four years later. In late 2019, I was given a package and my belongings were brought to a room, where I was told that it was my last day of work there.
During 2019, I turned to meditation, yoga, and Tension & Trauma Release Exercises (TRE) as coping strategies for the situation I was in. Over the years following, I attended various holistic healing work and experiences out of personal interest – not knowing that these would be foundational tools for my personal healing journey and return to Self and would morph into intuitively-guided self-healing strategies that I would share with others in the future.
The year 2023 was a monumental year in my life, where many things began to shift in my life and my body. The dark night of the soul occurred immediately after a self-inquiry dyad meditation retreat where an existential crisis occurred, where I didn’t know who I was. I even remember giving up and announcing to the Universe that it wanted to take me, to take me. I woke up the next morning, still here, so I knew there was a reason. Intense, painful, and non-stop emotional and physical purges occurred from the soul, often resulting in swollen eyelids. Moldavite and other crystals assisted with my healing work. Freeform dance became my self-practice for deep healing, where I would sometimes cry on the dance floor at workshops with snot running down my nose.
The year 2023 was the year where I began to feel safe again in my own body. This year was the year where I began to fall in love with myself and alchemize that hatred that I had instilled within into love. This was also the year where I began to fall in love and mystery with what it meant to have a human experience.
It’s all worth it. You are worth it. The journey back home to you is a beautiful one that will surprise you in beautiful ways that you have not imagined. If I had to do this again, I would probably make the same choices again because how this has occurred has all been but beauty. Yes, it’s that beautiful.
July 25, 2023