An Uber ride back home after dancing Bachata: Universal love

Last December, I took an Uber ride back home after hanging out at a friend’s place. That night, I learned Bachata, a dance which originated from the Dominican Republic. (Thank you for inviting me that night Tash if you’re reading this!) It’s interesting how an Uber ride in itself can be the most interesting experience.

As my Uber driver drove me home in the late hours at night, he kept asking me if I was in a relationship. A bit sleepy, I told him (let’s call him Safi) I wasn’t in the politest way possible. Safi then asked me if I go to bars or clubs to meet people. I was curious where this conversation was heading and the reason Safi was asking these questions, but I remained answering his questions – they didn’t harm me. The questions felt a bit bizarre to me but to each to their own! I replied to my driver that I don’t hang out at bars or clubs. He was shocked.

“Why don’t you go to bars or clubs? So where to do you hang out?”, asked Safi.

I replied to Safi that I usually hang out with my friends and we catch up over a meal or beverage either at their place or at a restaurant. Sounds bland, I know. My driver remained shocked by my response. Safi then was wondering how I manage to live life. He then told me that he usually picks up passengers where they bring someone home to have a casual fling with. He even mentioned that what is surprising for him is that sometimes he even sees homosexuals bring another person of the same gender home!

A few months ago, I went on a 10 day silent meditation retreat which changed some of my perspectives to life and how I live and approach live today. (That will be a later post.) I explained to my driver some of these new perspectives:

1) Casual sex is meaningless

Casual sex is not the same as sex with someone you truly love. And by love, I don’t mean someone you lust over. Lust is not synonymous with love. Lust begets lust. We then start treating humans as objects. There is this famous saying that it’s the journey that matters and not the destination.

In casual sex, we typically focus lightly on the journey and have our eyes focused sharply on the destination – that is, the orgasm. The affection expressed through the foreplay with your casual sex partner feels fake.

Compare this with sex with someone you truly love. You spend more time on the present moment with your partner on the journey. Any mishap (no, I don’t mean if the condom breaks) – I mean if you aren’t able to orgasm – is treated lightly and as just a part of the journey. The foreplay that you have with your partner is a service where you are giving them your true attention. The destination the orgasm in itself doesn’t matter.

Living a life where we are able to appreciate more of the present moment and the constant changes that happen in our environment is one worth living. Changes in our environment don’t need to be labelled as good or bad; they just need to be experienced. Changes come and go and we cannot hold on to good things and avoid bad things. Once we realize this, we become happier with every breath we take, sound we hear, and touch we experience. We then lose our need to have casual sex and approach sex from a different perspective.

2) Love is universal

As someone who understands and sympathizes with the LGBTQ+ community, I was slightly surprised by Safi’s view of love and how gay men could also love other men. People are looking to be loved and cared for; they are also looking to spread this love to others. Love is not limited to gender, sexuality, or race. Love is unconditional and non-judgmental.

The unconditional and non-judgmental nature of love hit home for me during my current stay in Thailand as I saw a black cow and a white cow rubbing their necks against each other. Seeing them snuggle against each other was beautiful. Love has no conditions, does not judge, and applies to all beings. Every being should be allowed to experience love. Judgement and conditions are just something that society has placed on top of our fundamental rights. Love is a beautiful thing.

Shortly, the Safi pulled up to my flat, we ended our conversation and said our goodbyes. Our time together was deep and meaningful. It was great to shed light to Safi on casual sex and the concept of universal love. My ride with Safi first started with him asking me mysterious questions but it’s always wonderful when we are able to share greater knowledge and experiences with others.

Love is unconditional. Share your life with others and be kind to them.

Love and light,
Dan

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